Bibi And The Ligner

Pres. Soetoro explains to Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu why EVERYONE loves him:

Bibi has his doubts:

Bibi tells Hillary about it:

Comrade Joe Explains It All

Today’s commentary comes from Comrade Joe:

Why I’m A Liberal:

I’m a Liberal because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

I’m a Liberal because I love the fact I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my horse.

I’m a Liberal because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.

I’m a Liberal because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

I’m a Liberal because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

I’m a Liberal because when we pull out of Iraq I trust the bad guys will stop what they’re doing because they now think we’re good people.

I’m a Liberal because I believe people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday, CAN tell us the polar ice caps will melt away in 10 years if I don’t start driving a Prius.

I’m a Liberal because I believe business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit.

I’m a Liberal because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who could NEVER get their agendas past the voters.

I’m a Liberal because my head is so firmly planted up my own butt, it’s unlikely I’ll ever have another point of view.

Dog For Free

Free to good home. Excellent guard dog.

Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more drug dealers, thieves, murderers, or child molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.

He’s known as ‘Holy Shit.’

H/T: Cousin DoHickey in Texas

Punch Drunk Love

I never could understand how feeling paranoid and hungry felt “good”. Those are some of the main reasons I wasn’t a pot (whoops, sorry, Jenny, “Mom, it’s called weed now”) smoker.

Another reason was the inability to control hysterical laughter at inappropriate times. An orphanage just burned to the ground and 150 children were burned alive. Whaaat? Whoo ha ha ha, snort, hee hee ha ha. That’s terribl…whahahahaha.

Finally, I’ve always thought that a big, stupid, uncontrollable Mr. Ed-sized smile makes one look like a blithering idiot.

Cougar Barbie

The Jerk Goes To Washington

Once upon a time there was a child who grew up in a loving family, but felt that he, somehow, didn’t fit in.

When he had grown up, he moved to the Big City. There he met a man who made him rich and famous.

He bought some Greek columns with some of his riches.

Along the way, he took up with some shady characters

And found his “Special Purpose”

But he soon found out that he was in over his head and lost all his riches

Because he wasn’t smart enough to learn this:

Multiple Orgasms

I was cooking dinner today and suddenly this sound started outside. It was so loud, I could hear it through brick walls. “Oh, oh, ooh, oh God…”

I ran outside to see which neighbors were having sex on my lawn. No one.

Then I noticed it was multiple voices, growing louder, coming from the North, maybe up I95.

Oh, oh, ooh, ooh, oh God! Oh, ooh, right there! Oooh, oooh, Oh God! YES! YES! YES!

Stumped, I went back inside and flipped on Fox News.

NOW, I understand…

“Lawmakers impose a 90 percent tax on executive bonuses”

Pelosi flushed from 90% tax hike orgasm. God Bless America!

Cute Joke

From my special friend Ayn, who sends me a smile every morning in my email box and who brings a smile to everyone she meets.

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother

2. He liked Gospel

3. He didn’t get a fair trial

 

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father’s business

2. He lived at home until he was 33

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands

2. He had wine with His meals

3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair

2. He walked around barefoot all the time

3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1. He was at peace with nature

2. He ate a lot of fish

3. He talked about the Great Spirit

 

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.

2. He was always telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.

 

But the most compelling evidence of all – 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was virtually no food

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it

3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do

AMEN!!

Huh! That’s what YOU are, what am I?

Pee-wee: I wouldn’t sell my bike for all the money in the world. Not for a hundred million, trillion, billion dollars!
Francis: Then you’re crazy!
Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
Francis: You’re a nerd!
Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
Francis: You’re an idiot!
Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
Pee-Wee, Francis: I know you are but what am I? I know you are but what am I? I know you are but what am I? Pee-wee: Infinity!

I was thinking about Pee Wee Herman when I read this today in the Washington Times.

President Obama was so concerned that he had appeared to dismiss a question from New York Times reporters about whether he was a socialist that he called the newspaper from the Oval Office to clarify his policies.“I did think it might be useful to point out that it wasn’t under ME that we started buying a bunch of shares of banks. It wasn’t on MY watch. And it wasn’t on MY watch that we passed a massive new entitlement -– the prescription drug plan — without a source of funding. And so I think it’s important just to note when you start hearing folks throw these words around that we’ve actually been operating in a way that has been entirely consistent with free-market principles and that some of the same folks who are throwing the word ‘socialist’ around can’t say the same.”

 

 

 

 

After viewing this photo on Michelle Malkin’s site, I realized we’ve been misspelling Barry’s slogan.

You tell ‘em, Barry:

UPDATE: FILE THIS UNDER: TIMING IS EVERYTHING!

Former correspondent for CNN en Español, Mauricio Funes, is running for President of El Salvadore under the party of the bloody, vicious Sandinista; the Communist FMLN.

“The business community is not afraid of us,” Funes said in an interview. “And we are not afraid of business. I will work to strengthen the relationship with the United States, to make the U.S. more of a partner, and I think we will work well together.”

“I represent a new kind of leadership in El Salvador,” he said, sweat pouring moments after he finished a high-octane speech in front of 1,000 supporters in the plaza in Metapan on Saturday night. In his address, he vowed to put medicine on hospital shelves, help families left behind by immigrants working in the United States and reduce the price of fertilizer. Funes was introduced by a mayor in a cowboy hat, who was wearing a pistol shoved into his waistband and who worked up the crowd by proclaiming that Funes would end the rule of the “bloodsuckers.”  

 

The FMLN television spots complete the link by employing the Obama slogan in English and Spanish, vowing “Yes, we can!”

 

 

 

It wasn’t under MY watch that the Sandinista slaughtered many.

 

 

Charlie Rangel, Class Act

“The American people have entrusted us with their hopes and aspirations for themselves, for their families, and for their future. We will honor that trust.”

- Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), November 8, 2006

Rep. Charles Rangel (D-NY), Chairman, Ways and Means Committee, Vice Chairman for the Joint Committee on Taxation, U.S. House of Representatives, under the direction of Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi.

He puts the ASS in clASS:

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) denied a report on Tuesday that she had called on Ways and Means Chairman Charles B. Rangel (D-N.Y.) to step aside.

“I see no reason why Mr. Rangel should step down,” Pelosi told reporters Tuesday. “I have supported his call for the ethics committee to look into it.”

The Ways and Means chairman has asked the House Committee on Standards of Official Conduct to look into his use of four rent-stabilized apartments in a Harlem high-rise, his use of congressional stationery to solicit money for an educational center in New York that bears his name and, most recently, his failure to pay taxes or report rental income on a vacation home in the Dominican Republic.  September 16, 2008

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told NBC’s Meredith Vieira in an interview taped Monday that Rep. Charles Rangel should not step down as chairman of the Ways and Means Committee.

Pelosi said she didn’t see “any reason” that Rangel should step down.

Tuesday, the House ethics committee said it’s now expanding its investigation of Rangel.

Pelosi said it’s up to the ethics committee to decide if Rangel should surrender his chairmanship.

“Until they make their decision, which I hope will be soon– I think that he should stay as chair of the committee,” Pelosi said.

Pelosi added, “Mr. Rangel, he loves our country. He loves this Congress. He wants to do nothing but bring credit to it. And he’ll be the first one to know what his course of action should be.”

The expanded ethics committee will investigate Rangel’s role in preserving a tax loophole that benefited a company whose executive had pledged $1 million to a center named after Rangel. December 10, 2008

House Resolution 143 to remove Rep. Rangel from his chairmanship. TABLED.